Expectations 101: Red and Green Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

How to Stop Overextending Yourself Without Guilt

Obligations are a part of life.
But for ADHD women, navigating them without slipping into burnout can feel like walking a tightrope. One minute you’re happy to help — the next, you’re drowning in resentment, stretched too thin, and forgetting your own needs entirely.

Sound familiar?

This post is a gentle check-in. A chance to pause, take stock, and ask: Am I giving from a full cup? Or am I giving myself away?

Let’s look at some red flags (warning signs you’re overextending) and green flags (signs you’re staying in balance), so you can move through life with more clarity — and a whole lot more ease.

🚩 Red Flags: Signs You’re Overextending Yourself

1. You Feel Resentful (But Say Nothing)

You said yes… but now you feel tight in your chest, frustrated, or low-key irritated.
That’s your nervous system waving a flag: Your boundary was just crossed.

Resentment is information. It’s not something to shame yourself for — it’s your body asking you to listen.

2. Your Needs Keep Getting Pushed to the Back Burner

You haven’t eaten well in days, your body aches, you haven’t had time to be alone, and you’re saying yes to everyone else’s needs.

If your basic care disappears whenever someone else asks for help, it’s time to regroup.

3. You’re Saying Yes Out of Guilt

You didn’t want to.
You didn’t have the energy.
But you said yes anyway — because you felt bad, or didn’t want them to be upset.

Guilt is not a sustainable fuel source. It burns you out and leaves you empty.

4. You’re Feeling Invisible or Unappreciated

You do so much. And it seems like no one notices.
That hurts — and it chips away at your sense of value.

Appreciation matters. And when it’s missing, it’s okay to reassess whether this is the right use of your time and energy.

5. You’re Exhausted — In Your Body and Your Brain

You’re wiped. You’re anxious. You’re snapping at the people you love.
That’s not “just being tired.” That’s your body asking for recovery.

Especially with ADHD, when our energy is limited and our emotional regulation is already stretched, overdoing it can lead to complete shutdown.

✅ Green Flags: Signs You’re Holding Healthy Boundaries

1. You Feel Energized (Not Depleted) After Helping

Helping someone doesn’t drain you — it actually feels good. That’s a sign your yes was aligned, not forced.

2. Your Relationships Feel Mutual

You give and receive.
You listen and feel heard.
When you’re supported, you’re less likely to burn out from constant giving.

3. You Can Say No Without Spiraling

You’re learning to say, “That doesn’t work for me right now,” without overexplaining, over-apologizing, or hating yourself afterward.

That’s huge. That’s healing in real time.

4. Your Commitments Match Your Values

You say yes to things that matter to you — not just because you feel obligated.
When what you do reflects who you are, you feel more grounded and less scattered.

5. You Check In With Yourself Regularly

You ask: How am I feeling about this? Do I have the bandwidth?
That inner check-in? That’s self-trust in action.

“Healthy boundaries aren’t about saying no to everything — they’re about saying yes to what keeps you whole.”

What This Means for Us

Living with ADHD means our energy, attention, and emotional bandwidth are finite. We don’t have the luxury of giving it all away — especially not to guilt, pressure, or people-pleasing.

So here’s your reminder:
You’re allowed to pause.
You’re allowed to change your mind.
You’re allowed to protect your peace — without apology.

The more you notice these flags in your life, the easier it becomes to choose what’s right for you.

And that’s what Root • Rise • Restore is all about — learning how to come home to yourself, one small choice at a time.

Categories: : Self-Worth & Identity, ADHD & Emotions