Can’t “Just Relax”? You’re Not the Only Neurodivergent Adult Who Feels That Way

Some days my brain won’t stop and my body won’t rest. This is how I help them talk to each other again.

Some days my brain won’t stop and my body won’t rest. 😥This is how I help them talk to each other again.

When Relaxing Feels Impossible

If you’ve ever been told to “just relax”, I already know how that lands.
You try, right? You take the deep breath, you stretch, you sit still…
and somehow it makes you feel worse.

For me, relaxing has never been about effort — it’s about safety.
If my body doesn’t believe I’m safe, nothing works.
Not breathwork. Not meditation. Not another “calm down” app.

When I’m already overloaded, my nervous system doesn’t want stillness —
it wants reassurance.

What I’ve Learned About My Systems

When I feel that edge — that buzzy, restless, can’t-get-comfortable feeling —
I start by noticing who’s speaking the loudest inside me.

Sometimes it’s my head, running through every conversation I had today.
Sometimes it’s my heart, tight and heavy from holding too much.
And sometimes it’s my belly, clenched like it’s bracing for impact.

They all need something different.
My head needs rhythm. My heart needs warmth. My belly needs to exhale.

If I can listen to even one of them, the others usually start to follow.

What Helps Me When I Can’t Settle

Here’s what I do when I hit that point where everything feels “too much”:

I put a hand on my chest or stomach — whichever is louder — and just notice the temperature under my hand.
I remind myself: “You don’t have to fix this. Just stay with it.”
I move — slowly. Swaying, walking, rolling my shoulders. Anything that gives my energy somewhere to go.

The goal isn’t calm. It’s connection.
When my brain, heart, and gut start communicating again, my whole body softens.
Not in an instant, but enough. Enough to think again. Enough to breathe again.

Why This Matters

Being an overwhelmed ND adult isn’t about lack of discipline or mindset.
It’s a body thing.
We sense more, process more, hold more — and that takes energy.

Yoga, for me, isn’t about forcing calm. It’s how I check in with the parts of myself that are working overtime.
It’s not about escape; it’s about reunion.

That’s what “relaxing” really means to me now.
Not going limp, but coming home.

Try This

Next time someone tells you to “just relax,” try this instead:

Pause — before doing anything, notice where you feel the most noise inside.
Listen — put a hand there and ask quietly, “What do you need right now?”
Move or breathe — give it five seconds of attention, nothing fancy.

That’s it.
It’s not perfect. It’s human.
And that’s enough.

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Categories: : Body & Energy